All the Feels
10 years ago
Monday, December 28, 2009
Withdrawals Suck
So, I'm sitting here watching a bunch of Bomshel videos. I really have nothing better to do right now and it's keeping me from getting upset about a few things. But the more I watch, the more I feel a desperate need to see another show and soon!! They're supposed to come back here in January to make up their cancelled show and I really hope I can make it to that show. I really miss Kristy and Kelley and their high-energy, absolutely amazing show. My brother is getting pissed that I'm watching the videos (just because it's country and he despises country) and talking crap about Bomshel. I swear, I will defend them until the day I die! Haha. I don't think he truly knows good music. He said any song with a fiddle in it is just wrong. But that's like my favorite thing ever and Kristy O. is pretty much the most bad ass fiddle player I've ever seen/heard. She's just amazing and her and Kelley blow "Devil Went Down To Georgia" out of the water. Anyways, I really hope 2010 is as lucky for me concert-wise as 2009 was. I saw Bomshel 4 times (July, September, October, November) and Little Big Town 3 times (April, October, November)...I may be wrong on the LBT dates...so let's hope I can keep that streak up!!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
The Best Friend I Could Have Ever Asked For
I just want to say what an amazing friend I have. Manda and I met at a Bomshel show in July, but it wasn't until shortly before our 2nd Bomshel show in September that we really started talking and we became pretty much inseparable after that. She's the best friend I've ever had. She's the kind of friend I always dreamed of having but never thought I actually would. We actually do stuff together and spend time together. She actually wants to spend time with me. She actually asks me to do stuff with her instead of me being the one always trying to make plans. I always felt so left out because although I seemed to have alot of friends I was still always the one left behind. And often these friends would make plans to hang out right in front of me and I'd never be invited. What a way to make me feel like crap! I had plenty of friends inside church but that was pretty much as far as it went. I'd see them at church and then hardly ever invited to do anything beyond that. I was never invited to get together outside of church or invited to go out after church. It really hurt because I was one of the only ones just going home after church instead of getting to hang out. But with Manda, we do stuff together all the time and have so much fun and make so many memories. And we have so many amazing and funny inside jokes together. I just love it!! I've made some really stupid decisions and mistakes these past few months and I fully expected Manda to not want to be my friend anymore because of it, but instead she told me I was stuck with her as a friend. She cried with me as I told her about the stupidest mistake I've made and how scared I was. She's just been such an amazing friend and stuck by my side through everything. I ate dinner with her family tonight and then went to Hotel Del Coronado with her and her dad to see the giant tree. I don't know Manda's family very well yet, but I feel like they actually like me and care about me. It made me so happy because I felt like I had a family again, but at the same time it made me sad to see what I've missed out on all these years. Anyways, I just love Manda and am glad I got to spend Christmas Eve with her. <3
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
"Never Alone"-Jim Brickman/Lady Antebellum
May the angels protect you
Trouble neglect you
And heaven accept you when its time to go home
May you always have plenty
Your glass never empty
And know in your belly
You're never alone
May your tears come from laughing
You find friends worth having
With every year passing
They mean more than gold
May you win but stay humble
Smile more than grumble
And know when you stumble
You're never alone
Chorus:
Never alone
Never alone
I¹ll be in every beat of your heart
When you face the unknown
Wherever you fly
This isn't goodbye
My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you¹re never alone
Well I have to be honest
As much as I wanted
I’m not gonna promise the cold winds won¹t blow
So when hard times have found you
And your fears surround you
Wrap my love around you
You're never alone
Chorus
May the angels protect you
Trouble neglect you
And heaven accept you when its time to go home
And when hard times have found you
And your fear surrounds you
Wrap my love around you
You¹re never alone
Chorus
My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you're never alone
Trouble neglect you
And heaven accept you when its time to go home
May you always have plenty
Your glass never empty
And know in your belly
You're never alone
May your tears come from laughing
You find friends worth having
With every year passing
They mean more than gold
May you win but stay humble
Smile more than grumble
And know when you stumble
You're never alone
Chorus:
Never alone
Never alone
I¹ll be in every beat of your heart
When you face the unknown
Wherever you fly
This isn't goodbye
My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you¹re never alone
Well I have to be honest
As much as I wanted
I’m not gonna promise the cold winds won¹t blow
So when hard times have found you
And your fears surround you
Wrap my love around you
You're never alone
Chorus
May the angels protect you
Trouble neglect you
And heaven accept you when its time to go home
And when hard times have found you
And your fear surrounds you
Wrap my love around you
You¹re never alone
Chorus
My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you're never alone
Facts About Me
I'm going to list as many things about me as I can think of right now. Random facts, things I love, things I hate, just whatever. :)
1. I met my sister for the first time on July 13th, this year. :) It's amazing to me how I didn't know her my whole life, we were raised in 2 different homes with completely different parents and we're still sooo much alike!! I love her so much!! We instantly clicked and I felt like I'd known her my entire life. I met my nephew, Cody, for the first time on October 30th. He's 18 months old this month and just adorable!!! My sister is due in April to have my niece, Brooklyn Renae. I'm sooo excited and can't wait to be an aunt again!!
2. I'm eating carrots and ranch dip. I love Emily (my boss) for getting these for me!! I was completely joking with her when I suggested she get carrots at the store because she hates carrots, yet she still got them. :)
3. I am very in love with a band named Bomshel. But it completely goes beyond the music for me. I love them as people. They are just soooo sweet and I couldn't love them more!! I still get so excited when Kelley replies back to me on twitter. I get excited when Kristy replies too, but I'm a little more used to her replying...Kelley hardly ever does.
4. Even though it's not ending as well as I'd like (things always seem to fall apart for me at the end of the year), this year has been the best year of my life. So many things have fallen into place and been answered. I've grown and learned alot. I've discontinued much of the abuse that's gone on in my life and ended abusive relationships. Of course, I still have my doubts and questions and still have so much more to grow, but I feel I've come a long way this year.
5. I moved to San Diego from Ontario this year...about 2 1/2 hours away from my family. I think it's been the best decision of my life. My dad told me I'd never make it without him, but I think I've proven that I will. I'm the happiest I've ever been and more independent than I've ever been and I just love it here.
6. I've been surrounded by 1's lately. For about 3 or 4 weeks, I would always look at the clock every day at 1:11 or 11:11 and I was seeing 1's elsewhere too. I couldn't figure out if it meant something. Well, a few days ago, someone tweeted Hebrews 11:1, "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." This used to be one of my favorite verses and it was one I had forgotten about. It was something I badly needed to be reminded of at that moment so I thought maybe that's where the 1's came in. I want to get Hebrews 11:1 tattooed somewhere on me.
7. I've had a kinda insane obsession with Christmas music this year. I usually don't care much for it and could really do without it, but this year I have been absolutely in love with Christmas music. I thought maybe it was because Sugarland's first ever Christmas album, "Gold And Green", came out, but it's not just that...I've wanted to listen to almost any Christmas music I could get my hands on.
8. I'm obsessed with boots. If they weren't so expensive, I'd probably have a million pairs. But the 3 pairs I have right now will have to do. :)
9. I'm also obsessed with ballet flats. They're super cute, comfy, and cheap!!
10. I don't really know what I want out of life anymore. I'd had everything so planned out and of course it was perfect. But things change, people change, I've changed. I'm just questioning everything it seems. I don't even know who I am some of the time. I don't know if I want to have kids. I always thought the one thing I ever wanted in life was to be a mom, but after essentially being a mom and raising other people's kids, I'm not sure I want to try it with my own. I think I might be perfectly content to just raise other people's kids the rest of my life. At least then, I can give them back most of the time. :) I just see how hard and exhausting and frustrating and messy it is, yet it truly is soooo rewarding at the end of the day. I'm just not really sure if that's what I want out of life or if it will ever be possible for me to have kids. I still think in the end, I would like my own though. Just 2...2 is enough. :) I don't know if I want to get married either. For one, I've only dated one person. Guys just don't ask me out and I'm not even interested in most of them. I don't know...I sometimes feel like I'm not pretty enough. Or I am, but they always go for the easy girls. Guys are just so complicated...I don't know if I want to deal with it. Plus, I absolutely love being single and not being tied down. I can do whatever I want, be selfish, spend my money how I like, go to as many concerts as I want. I don't know...I still have alot of time to figure all this out.
Well, I'm going to leave it at this. I think I've written enough. And I think number 10 should have been it's own blog. Haha.
1. I met my sister for the first time on July 13th, this year. :) It's amazing to me how I didn't know her my whole life, we were raised in 2 different homes with completely different parents and we're still sooo much alike!! I love her so much!! We instantly clicked and I felt like I'd known her my entire life. I met my nephew, Cody, for the first time on October 30th. He's 18 months old this month and just adorable!!! My sister is due in April to have my niece, Brooklyn Renae. I'm sooo excited and can't wait to be an aunt again!!
2. I'm eating carrots and ranch dip. I love Emily (my boss) for getting these for me!! I was completely joking with her when I suggested she get carrots at the store because she hates carrots, yet she still got them. :)
3. I am very in love with a band named Bomshel. But it completely goes beyond the music for me. I love them as people. They are just soooo sweet and I couldn't love them more!! I still get so excited when Kelley replies back to me on twitter. I get excited when Kristy replies too, but I'm a little more used to her replying...Kelley hardly ever does.
4. Even though it's not ending as well as I'd like (things always seem to fall apart for me at the end of the year), this year has been the best year of my life. So many things have fallen into place and been answered. I've grown and learned alot. I've discontinued much of the abuse that's gone on in my life and ended abusive relationships. Of course, I still have my doubts and questions and still have so much more to grow, but I feel I've come a long way this year.
5. I moved to San Diego from Ontario this year...about 2 1/2 hours away from my family. I think it's been the best decision of my life. My dad told me I'd never make it without him, but I think I've proven that I will. I'm the happiest I've ever been and more independent than I've ever been and I just love it here.
6. I've been surrounded by 1's lately. For about 3 or 4 weeks, I would always look at the clock every day at 1:11 or 11:11 and I was seeing 1's elsewhere too. I couldn't figure out if it meant something. Well, a few days ago, someone tweeted Hebrews 11:1, "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." This used to be one of my favorite verses and it was one I had forgotten about. It was something I badly needed to be reminded of at that moment so I thought maybe that's where the 1's came in. I want to get Hebrews 11:1 tattooed somewhere on me.
7. I've had a kinda insane obsession with Christmas music this year. I usually don't care much for it and could really do without it, but this year I have been absolutely in love with Christmas music. I thought maybe it was because Sugarland's first ever Christmas album, "Gold And Green", came out, but it's not just that...I've wanted to listen to almost any Christmas music I could get my hands on.
8. I'm obsessed with boots. If they weren't so expensive, I'd probably have a million pairs. But the 3 pairs I have right now will have to do. :)
9. I'm also obsessed with ballet flats. They're super cute, comfy, and cheap!!
10. I don't really know what I want out of life anymore. I'd had everything so planned out and of course it was perfect. But things change, people change, I've changed. I'm just questioning everything it seems. I don't even know who I am some of the time. I don't know if I want to have kids. I always thought the one thing I ever wanted in life was to be a mom, but after essentially being a mom and raising other people's kids, I'm not sure I want to try it with my own. I think I might be perfectly content to just raise other people's kids the rest of my life. At least then, I can give them back most of the time. :) I just see how hard and exhausting and frustrating and messy it is, yet it truly is soooo rewarding at the end of the day. I'm just not really sure if that's what I want out of life or if it will ever be possible for me to have kids. I still think in the end, I would like my own though. Just 2...2 is enough. :) I don't know if I want to get married either. For one, I've only dated one person. Guys just don't ask me out and I'm not even interested in most of them. I don't know...I sometimes feel like I'm not pretty enough. Or I am, but they always go for the easy girls. Guys are just so complicated...I don't know if I want to deal with it. Plus, I absolutely love being single and not being tied down. I can do whatever I want, be selfish, spend my money how I like, go to as many concerts as I want. I don't know...I still have alot of time to figure all this out.
Well, I'm going to leave it at this. I think I've written enough. And I think number 10 should have been it's own blog. Haha.
Changes To My Blog
Okay, so I deleted most of my old posts on here. I hadn't blogged since January 4th...almost a year. That's crazy. I changed the name of my blog. My goal is to post something every week. I will do it sometime between Friday-Monday. It'll either be a quote or something that touched me/meant something to me, a song lyric, a thought, something completely random, a summary of my week, etc. Just whatever I want to post. But I'm going to try to keep up with this every week. :)
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