Forgiving Yourself

So, I've been realizing lately that I really need to learn to forgive myself and move on. I am so hard on myself. For example, I was supposed to meet Manda tonight in a shopping center so we could go to dinner. Well, I got lost like 4 different times (I completely suck with directions!) and ended up pulling into a gas station where she came and got me. I was sooo mad at myself...mentally beating myself up over and over again and trying my hardest not to cry. Manda wasn't mad at me...she just said I suck with directions which is true. However, she does not know how badly I was kicking myself over it. It shouldn't even be that big of a deal. So I got lost and took forever. Big deal. It happens. Drop it and move on. I need to learn this. People will forgive me and instantly drop little things like that while I'll just completely tear myself up. It's not healthy because I do it to a point of telling myself I'm stupid and worthless which just isn't true and I know this, but sometimes I just go back into those same thought patterns I used to struggle with when I get mad at myself. I'll even remember something that I did or that happened in the past and beat myself up about it all over again. It's something I really need to work on...just not being so hard on myself. Does anybody else struggle with this?

Just Some Randomness

I've had several random thoughts floating around my head lately, so I'm just going to post as many as I think of.

1. Random conversations about poop are super funny. Gross, I know, but just try it. Trust me, you'll be laughing. Especially if it's over twitter and others can see and be grossed out. lol Okay...maybe I'm just really immature. Haha. Either way, I don't care. It's fun and I like having fun. :)

2. I've loved the name Reese for a long time (yes, huge Reese Witherspoon fan), but I couldn't figure out a middle name that would go with it. I finally figured it out. Reese Elizabeth. Sooo pretty and so perfect. :) Not that I'm having any kids anytime soon or maybe even at all, but if I have a girl, for now, I have the perfect name picked out.

3. I absolutely cannot wait to see Sandra Bullock at the Santa Barbara Film Festival on February 5th. She's winning an award so me and some friends bought tickets to see her. It's a red carpet even and I'm starting to freak out over what to wear because I don't know if it's casual or you're supposed to dress nice.

4. I've been having really weird dreams lately about finding abandoned babies, not being able to find their mothers, and keeping them and raising them. In the first dream, it was my baby sister and I ended up legally adopting her. I'm not sure exactly what's up with these dreams. It's quite weird. I don't normally have dreams, but I've just been having super strange, completely memorable ones lately.

5. I have the best friends that get me addicted/obsessed to amazing people/things. Tiffany got me addicted to Cougar Town. I love Courteney Cox. Tiffany, Becky, and Hannah got me obsessed with Kristin Chenoweth. She's just super adorable and amazing!!!

I'm sure there are more and they will probably be posted later, but I'm getting too tired to think now. But most of my weird/random thoughts happen at night when I get tired.

Goals for 2010

So I don't really make resolutions anymore because what's the point if they just get broken the next day. But I am into making goals so here are my goals for 2010.

1. To not cut my hair all year other than trimming it. I want to see how long I can grow it cuz I miss having long hair. I always say I'm going to grow my hair out but then I get bored and get it cut. But I really can't do much with it when it's short and I hate that.

2. To spend the least amount of money possible. I want to only spend money on the necessary and save the rest. I have a really bad spending habit (especially when I'm stressed) and really don't make enough to be spending money all the time. I want to start saving up my money for concert tickets and trips and stuff like that. I also want to build up my savings account in case an emergency with my car or something else was to occur because to be honest, if my car were to break down right now, I'd be screwed. I'm tired of living paycheck to paycheck.

3. To exercise once or twice a day (morning and night) on the Wii Fit. I want to get in better shape. I never exercise. I get sick often...about once every 1-3 months. I'm really tired of it. I never exercise and I think that may be contributing to my immune system being so depleted and me getting sick so easily. I'm willing to do pretty much whatever it takes to get healthy and that is why I bought the Wii Fit. I do not have the time or money to go to the gym and the Wii Fit makes it easy because I can exercise anytime I want in the comfort of my own home and I get my own personal trainer.

4. To start devoting my time to writing my book again. I've realized that I let other people crush that dream for me. But deep down, it is still my dream to get my book published. I know I can do it...but the only way it's going to happen is if I don't give up, I keep persevering, and I work on it consistently and keep pushing forward.

5. To allow myself to heal as much as possible and not stay in unhealthy relationships. And I don't mean dating relationships, I mean family and friends. There are still a few relationships that I need to either cut off or limit the amount of contact and influence they have over me in order to completely heal and be healthy.