Dear Nannies:

Dear Nannies:

I am writing this blog to beg you/remind you to please be professional. I know that's what we all strive for. I mean, who actually wants to be known as an unprofessional nanny? Umm, no one...because you're not likely to find a job, at least not one that pays well with that reputation. Anyhow, this just really came to light today because of someone else's experience with being fired from a job due to her employer seeing her blog. I'm not going to specifically call this person out, but I will say she's young (not that I'm old!). I started nannying when I was her age (19) and I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't know anything about contracts or how to be professional. I'm not going to say I'm perfect. I still make mistakes. I'm just saying when online, whether posting anonymously or not, we have to be extremely careful what we're saying. When you work for a private family, whether you sign a contract or not, you're agreeing to be confidential. That means if the parent asks you not to post pictures (I'm guilty of this one), identify where they work, give their names out, etc., you don't do it. And what you post online can and will be searched. A parent has every right to see what you're posting and fire you because of it. Before posting any pictures or kids' names, you need to talk to the parents and ask if they're okay with this. Think before you post. Would you be embarrassed if your boss or potential employer later read what you wrote? Don't post it. Could it get you fired? Don't post it. Would you say it in front of your boss/friends/family members? If not, then don't post it. Go ahead and vent. Just be careful what you're saying/what information you're giving out before you post it. If it's something that can't be posted and you still need to vent, confide in a close friend or family member, with them having the understanding that it's not to be repeated. I highly recommend having private accounts for nanny related posts, as long as you're still following your boss's wishes regarding what they don't want posted. That way, your bosses are less likely to see what you've posted. I just made one today for this very reason.

Also, before you post, just try to put yourself in your employer's shoes and think about how you would feel if you were the parent reading what your nanny was posting about you and your children. I personally know that if I was the parent, I'd be highly protective of my children. If I went online and found a blog my nanny posted stating that my children were brats, the nanny hated working for my family, I was a terrible parent, the nanny was looking for another position, etc., I'd fire my nanny. And I'd worry about my children's safety and well-being and how that nanny was taking care of and treating my children.

Okay, end of my rant. Just think twice before you post. :)

My Bucket List

This is my bucket list. It's still a work in progress, I will add more things if I think about them. Many of them do involve meeting people I look up to, but if you know me, this should come as no surprise.

1. Visit Alabama.
2. Visit Florida.
3. Go to Disneyworld.
4. Visit the Like-Me Lighthouse in Kansas City.
5. Visit Louisiana.
6. Visit Mississippi.
7. Visit New Jersey.
8. Visit New York.
9. Go sledding.
10. Swim with dolphins.
11. Visit Pennsylvania.
12. Meet Chely Wright.
13. Fall in love.
14. Get married.
15. Have a baby.
16. Meet Jake Owen.
17. Meet Eric Church.
18. See Mallary Hope in concert.
19. Meet Mallary Hope.
20. Meet Carrie Underwood.
21. Meet Sugarland.
22. Meet Luke Bryan.
23. Spend a week in Nashville.
24. Go to a Broadway show.
25. Meet Tracy and Stamie from The Real L Word.
26. Meet Cori and Kacy from The Real L Word.
27. Meet Whitney Mixter from The Real L Word.
28. Meet Nikki and Jill from The Real L Word.
29. Go rock wall climbing.
30. Meet Martina McBride.
31. Visit Niagara Falls.
32. Visit Toronto.
33. Visit Australia.
34. Take horseback riding lessons.
35. Go horseback riding along the beach.
36. Go ice skating on a frozen pond.
37. Take a self defense class.
38. Ride in a hot air balloon.
39. Go on a helicopter ride.
40. Ride a mechanical bull.
41. Drive down Route 66.
42. Feed a koala bear.
43. Feed a kangaroo.
44. Adopt a pet from the animal shelter.
45. Visit the Grand Canyon.
46. See the Northern Lights.
47. Meet Sara Evans.
48. Visit a wax museum.
49. Go to the Caribbean.
50. Become a St. Jude Partner In Hope.
51. Sponsor a child.
52. Climb up the Statue of Liberty.
53. Go to Universal Studios.
54. Visit the Hershey Chocolate Factory.
55. See the Golden Gate Bridge.
56. Visit the Four Corners.
57. Go to the Pike Place Market in Seattle.
58. Donate blood.
59. Become a better baker.
60. Learn how to cook.
61. Go night swimming.
62. Throw a surprise party.
63. Pass out random notes to strangers reminding them they are loved.
64. Leave a tip that's bigger than the tab.
65. Pay for the person behind me at Starbucks.
66. Go to CMA Fest.
67. Go to Hoedown.
68. Go to a Pride Festival.
69. Participate in a NOH8 photo shoot.
70. Volunteer with an LGBT organization.

I'm Moving To Michigan...

Hi everyone,

So it's finally time to give you an update on my life.

My boss, Jen, got laid off a month ago and is now staying home with Hugh. That leaves me looking for a job (don't worry, they love me and took care of me so I could get by for a while :) ). However, I haven't been able to find a job here. So after alot of thinking and figuring things out, I have decided to move with my mom in Grand Rapids, MI. I'm very excited about this decision and getting to spend time with my mom and stepdad and his family there. There are surprisingly alot of nanny jobs there, so I'm sure I'll be able to find something. I'll be leaving April 24th and should get there by the 25th or 26th. My Aunt Judy is flying down and driving with me.

So that's the latest on what's going on with me. Wish me luck. :) PS...I'm going to really miss my friends that I've made here, but I'm sure I'll be back to visit.

A Time Of Reflection

Ever since the night Mallary posted this song, I haven't been able to get it out of my head. I've thought of it day and night. I've thought of what it means and how it fits with my life and where I'm at right now. How it speaks perfectly on how I've been thinking. I'd been doing alot of reflecting prior to this song about my ex girlfriend/best friend and everything that that relationship was, everything that caused it to go sour and dissolve and this song just fit in perfectly with where my thoughts kept leading me. That I absolutely wouldn't change anything and didn't have regrets because that relationship did have a purpose and there was/is a reason for everything and that I did have "One Good Moment" with her. In fact, I had many good moments with her. And yes, I got hurt, but it was all worth it.

If I had to choose anything that I regret out of that relationship, it would be that I hurt her. And while I'd like to say none of it was deliberate, unfortunately I can't say that. I was hurting and angry so I sometimes lashed out when something she said hurt me/made me mad. I wish I just wouldn't have said anything. Because even if she doesn't admit it, I know I hurt her. I don't want to hurt her. I don't want to hurt anybody. I don't think that's the kind of person I am. So for that, I would just like to go on the record (because I know she's most likely going to read this) and say, Manda, I am sorry I hurt you. I hope you can forgive me.

Anyways, I don't regret that relationship/friendship. And I'm also glad it ended when it did because I feel it had turned toxic and was no longer healthy for me. But everything was worth it. For if I hadn't met her, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I wouldn't be as strong as I am today. I wouldn't be as free. I may still be struggling with my sexuality if it wasn't for her. I may have never come out. I especially may have never had the strength to come out to my dad and the strength to deal with him essentially disowning me. I most likely wouldn't be living here in South Carolina and being the happiest I've ever been. I wouldn't have as fulfilled and happy of a life as I do now. So thank you for giving me "One Good Moment".

Broken Hearts

I said, "I love you"
You did too
But maybe, oh maybe it just wasn't true
I know you got hurt
Well, guess what, I did too
I've done my best to move on
And you say you have too
But I just can't believe you
For if you truly had, you wouldn't be still trying to hurt me
You throw words at me like swords
Each one used to pierce me and make me bleed
But as time goes on and I continue to heal
Your aim gets worse and worse

I just wrote this poem too, about my ex. I wasn't sure what to call it.

Walked On

I tripped
And then fell flat on my face
I tried to get up
And almost succeeded
But then one person after another stepped on my back
And before I knew it
They were walking all over me
Until one by one
My bones were crushed
And all I could do
Was cry out in pain and agony
And eventually
I was no more

I'm not sure if this is any good. I was thinking and an image popped in my head and this came about. I literally just wrote this right now.

Beautiful Me, Beautiful You

I wish everyone could see their true beauty and potential. Yes you, YOU, are BEAUTIFUL!!! It makes me sad to see so many people my age and younger (well, older people too) just tear themselves apart. And I know how it feels because I've been there. I've felt ugly, on a daily basis. I battled an eating disorder. I struggled with cutting. I had suicidal thoughts. I thought I was worthless.

As women, we get so caught up in comparing ourselves to others and thinking we'll never match up, we'll never fit in, we'll never be good enough. The comparing thing started young for me. I've always been star-struck, I guess you could say. I've always looked up to celebrities. I'd see someone on TV and it was always an instant game of "That part of her body (nose, eyes, legs, whatever it was) looks better than mine. Is there anything I can do to look like her?" I was a painfully shy child and I envied celebrities because they were obviously outgoing if they were on tv. I wasn't happy being myself. I always wanted to be someone else. Never comfortable in my own skin.

It got worse as I got into middle school. Everyone seemed to be getting curves, but me. I guess I wasn't born to be a curvy girl. I've always been tiny. I started getting made fun of for being so skinny and for having no boobs. I also got made fun of for not shaving my legs. I started shaving in 7th grade even though I still had blonde hair and didn't need to. Being a young teen and going through puberty, you feel awkward enough. Add onto that being made fun of for your awkward body. Junior high is when I started having suicidal thoughts. I felt worthless. I hated myself. I started becoming really ashamed of my body to the point where I dreaded P.E. because I had to change in front of other girls. I would change as quickly as physically possible. I remember reading “Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret”. There’s a line in the book where the girls do this exercise with their arms and repeat, “We must, we must, we must increase our bust.” They believed it would help their boobs grow. I started doing this daily, but obviously it didn’t work.

My freshmen year of high school, I took dance to fulfill my fine arts requirement. We all changed very close to each other and I was constantly embarrassed as I noticed most of the other girls wore thongs and had developed curves and breasts. I again made it a point to figure out the best way to get changed into my leotard and yoga pants as quickly as humanly possible without anyone seeing my body for very long. High school was when I really felt like other girls were starting to compare their bodies to mine. I started hearing comments such as, “Oh my God, you’re so tiny and skinny!”, “I wish I was as skinny as you”, “Are you anorexic?”, “You need to eat!”, “I’m so jealous of you and your tiny body”, etc. I was not anorexic. I was underweight, doctors always told me this. But it was not because I didn’t eat. I ate whenever I was hungry and I ate whatever I wanted. I just had a really fast metabolism and couldn’t seem to gain weight no matter how hard I tried to. I hated all these comments. I hated people comparing themselves to me. I hated it because then I felt a pressure to stay skinny and not gain too much weight. I also didn’t get why it wasn’t okay to point out how fat someone was but it was okay to point out how skinny someone is. It always seemed like somewhat of a double standard to me.

When I was 19, I developed an eating disorder. I had gained 15 pounds since I’d graduated high school and I felt the pressure to remain skinny and it freaked me out. But the eating disorder didn’t really start because of that. It wasn’t entirely about the weight for me. I was in the middle of some horrible crap and some uncontrollable circumstances. I started restricting my eating because what I ate, if I ate, how much I ate were the only things in my life at the time that I felt like I could control. I battled against the eating disorder for 2 years.

When I was 21, I had something very horrible happen to me. Something that I’m still healing from. It changed me. It changed my way of thinking. It changed who I am. This was something I blamed myself for for a while until I finally realized that it really wasn’t my fault. Up until this point, I was almost healed from the eating disorder. But this just caused me to relapse back into it. This is also when I tried cutting a few times. You don’t understand cutting and people who do it unless you do it. I’m not at all condoning it. I think it’s a horrible thing. I’m just saying it was a way for me to remain emotionally numb. At that time, I would have much rathered feel physical pain than emotional pain. It was a lot easier for me to deal with.

I’m almost 24 now and never even think about cutting when things get bad. I’m completely healed from the eating disorder though sometimes I do still have to force myself to eat. That’s something I may always battle against. I worked hard to get myself to a positive place and have a positive mindset and find healing. I surrounded myself with positive people and cut out negative ones from my life. I realized that I had to make the choice to change my life. Four years ago, I never would have thought it was possible, but I can now look in the mirror and think I’m beautiful and pretty. I’m now comfortable in my skin. I love myself. I love who I am. I’m proud of who I am and how far I’ve come. I now love every part of my body. I know I was born to look this way and be who I am.

I just wish everyone could see how truly beautiful they are. It would be boring if everyone was perfect (nobody is perfect). It would be boring if everyone looked the same. Our differences are what make us unique. Celebrate your differences. Find ways to be positive. Find ways to make positive changes in your life. Don’t allow negativity and negative people to remain in your life. Don’t compare yourself to other people. Don’t compare yourself to celebrities. Find one thing you love about your body and play it up. If it’s your eyes, play them up. Wear makeup and clothing that makes them pop. Don’t let the media define your beauty. They’re beauty is skewed and mostly fake anyways. You ARE beautiful…find ways to celebrate your beauty.

YOU ARE LOVED!!!