A Time Of Reflection

Ever since the night Mallary posted this song, I haven't been able to get it out of my head. I've thought of it day and night. I've thought of what it means and how it fits with my life and where I'm at right now. How it speaks perfectly on how I've been thinking. I'd been doing alot of reflecting prior to this song about my ex girlfriend/best friend and everything that that relationship was, everything that caused it to go sour and dissolve and this song just fit in perfectly with where my thoughts kept leading me. That I absolutely wouldn't change anything and didn't have regrets because that relationship did have a purpose and there was/is a reason for everything and that I did have "One Good Moment" with her. In fact, I had many good moments with her. And yes, I got hurt, but it was all worth it.

If I had to choose anything that I regret out of that relationship, it would be that I hurt her. And while I'd like to say none of it was deliberate, unfortunately I can't say that. I was hurting and angry so I sometimes lashed out when something she said hurt me/made me mad. I wish I just wouldn't have said anything. Because even if she doesn't admit it, I know I hurt her. I don't want to hurt her. I don't want to hurt anybody. I don't think that's the kind of person I am. So for that, I would just like to go on the record (because I know she's most likely going to read this) and say, Manda, I am sorry I hurt you. I hope you can forgive me.

Anyways, I don't regret that relationship/friendship. And I'm also glad it ended when it did because I feel it had turned toxic and was no longer healthy for me. But everything was worth it. For if I hadn't met her, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I wouldn't be as strong as I am today. I wouldn't be as free. I may still be struggling with my sexuality if it wasn't for her. I may have never come out. I especially may have never had the strength to come out to my dad and the strength to deal with him essentially disowning me. I most likely wouldn't be living here in South Carolina and being the happiest I've ever been. I wouldn't have as fulfilled and happy of a life as I do now. So thank you for giving me "One Good Moment".

Broken Hearts

I said, "I love you"
You did too
But maybe, oh maybe it just wasn't true
I know you got hurt
Well, guess what, I did too
I've done my best to move on
And you say you have too
But I just can't believe you
For if you truly had, you wouldn't be still trying to hurt me
You throw words at me like swords
Each one used to pierce me and make me bleed
But as time goes on and I continue to heal
Your aim gets worse and worse

I just wrote this poem too, about my ex. I wasn't sure what to call it.

Walked On

I tripped
And then fell flat on my face
I tried to get up
And almost succeeded
But then one person after another stepped on my back
And before I knew it
They were walking all over me
Until one by one
My bones were crushed
And all I could do
Was cry out in pain and agony
And eventually
I was no more

I'm not sure if this is any good. I was thinking and an image popped in my head and this came about. I literally just wrote this right now.